Daily Inspiration, Inspiration, Life, Love, Relationships, Spirituality, Women, Writing

I’m Moving

Almost exactly 3 years ago to the day, I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer.

At the time, it seemed this news – and the 18 month healing journey I would have to undergo – was the end of the world.  And, in many ways, it was.   I was physically, emotionally, and spiritual stripped to the bone and then some.  The pieces of my life fell dead to the ground, bit by bit,  along with my hair.  I lost so much… my career, friends, a sense of self…All swept away.

And during the blackest hours, I lost hope that I would survive.  All I had to hold onto, literally, was the promise of better days – a better LIFE – as I kept my eyes on Jesus.

Fast forward to today.   I am a happy, healthy Stay-At-Home Grandma, carpooling my grandson back and forth to school, drum lessons, karate, and Brain Balance.  I take long morning walks in the park that make my soul sing, and spend as much time in the garden as my fingernails can handle.  My husband and I, our marriage renewed as well, are members of a loving and supportive church family where we are making new friends and are in community with people who believe like we do.

This past December I was accepted into the Master Food Preservers Program, offered through UC Davis Extension, and classes started last week.  I am back in school learning and practicing another of my interests – home canning and food preservation – while having the opportunity to make  even more new friends.  I also get to volunteer at local farms, farmers markets, the OC Fair, and more.

Next week, I’ll start my part time job working through Tax Season (February – April) in a local CPA’s office while HomeBoy is at school.   Last year when I did this,  I REALLY enjoyed not only the work but the people, so when they invited me to come back again, I didn’t hesitate to say, “When do I start!?!”

This morning I’ll be heading out to attend a workshop entitled “Craft Your Creative Vision For 2018”, and then get my hair done.  (YES, it grew back and YES, I am blonde again! :) ).  I’m looking forward to hearing what the instructor has to say, and how I can take things to the next level because frankly, they are pretty awesome right now.  But, greedy wench that I am, I’ll take MORE of the good stuff any day!

The life I live today, this life of freedom, joy, creativity, renewed faith and new friendship, wasn’t something I could “see” 3 year ago. But it was THERE, waiting for me, just as God promised it would be.  All I had to do was take one day at a time, keep the faith,  keep moving and remember:

It Ain’t Over Yet

Daily Inspiration, Inspiration, Life, Love, Relationships, Spirituality, Women

Things That Go Green In The Night

All Who Wander Are Not Lost

I suppose you know you’re a true fanatic when you find yourself outside at 5 a.m. watering and talking to the Mother of Thousands, who – quite synchronistically – has (finally) found “her” place in the garden.  And because she’s home, she thrives.

Ever since I’ve been on my own (it was 1976, after hastily marrying a professional surfer with a penchant for women, waves and weed), I’ve always had something green  to tend to.

In those early years, it was Pothos, Spider Plants and Wandering Jews in hand-thrown pots and beaded macrame hangers.  They could be found hanging in the bathroom, kitchen or – if I was lucky – outside on the patio.

It also wasn’t unusual to find weed growing in one of those same spaces, only minus the macrame.  I can still smell the buds, red haired and stinking up the air.

Yum.

As I matured and my home (along with my family) became a little larger, there were simple outdoor plants to care for:  A 50- year-old Camilla, rambling white roses along a fence, or a few pretty annuals.  Fortunately , watering and  the occasional trim is always enough to keep a low maintenance yard looking nice.  And a nice looking yard makes me happy.

Finding my Happy Place out in nature isn’t something unusual.  There are hundreds of thousands – millions! – of us out there.  We recognize each other by the slight green tinge to our fingers and a bit of dirt under a nail we missed.  People garden for all kinds of reasons and I do so for many.  One of the important ones? I hear God in the Garden.

With the sun warming my back,  perhaps on my knees bent over something in my hands, I often hear that Still Small Voice – the voice of the Divine.

I heard it again this morning as I was futzing in the yard.  I find myself instinctively in a “Spring Cleaning Mode” these days, even though we are well into Fall.  Oh, how I love this time of year.  It at once energizes me and breaks my heart – in a good way.  For some reason, I am particularly tender this time of year.  Things move me. And with the Season of Thanksgiving almost upon us, I find myself breaking out in spontaneous bouts of gratitude…many times, with tears streaming down my cheeks.  2017 has shaped up to be an amazing year, albeit not without it’s challenges.  I’ve experienced SO many answered prayers.  Prayers about the important things like faith, family, connection and healing.

This is also a season of LETTING GO.  And THAT is what the Voice was talking about.

I quit my job yesterday.  I’ve been there 6 months and just simply couldn’t bear it a moment longer.  This morning I woke up free from the pain and discomfort I’ve had in my head and neck for weeks.  It’s just GONE.   SO not a coincidence.  And the symbology isn’t missed.  That job has been a pain in my neck for months.  Thankfully, through an amazing set of  circumstances, it is over and I’m yet again amazed at the wisdom held in the soft animal of my body.  She KNOWS, intuitively and intelligently, what is best for me.  She speaks to me in pain and peace.  Her wisdom is true.

Not only am I pain free, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face.  PEACE  flows through my veins like a river, and joy bubbles up like a spring.   It’s a time for me to be (re)planted at home, tending my family and my garden, waiting for the New Great Adventure to arrive.  Like my Mother of Thousands plants, all it took was a SHIFT to different location to begin to thrive.

With a sigh of relief and a heart in overflow, I can say with all certainty…..

It is well with my Soul.

Blogging, Cooking, Faith, Family, Handcrafted, Journaling, Life, Writing

Falling

Early Fall days are some of my favorites.

The change in light, the change in colors…..the change in me.

The vapid summer days here in So Cal drain me, both physically and energetically.  Yes, I love the sunshine and – occasionally – the longer days. But we’ve had a helluva hot, humid summer this year and I couldn’t be happier that darker cooler mornings are here with the promise of nights sleeping with open windows vs. A/C dronings.

Suddenly, I feel like cooking again. Hearty, earthy dishes like pot roasts and soups and fruit pies.  The gem-like ambers, oranges and browns of nature have inspired me to decorate for Halloween. I’ve been feng-shuing, decluttering and re-organizing and

I feel like writing again.

It’s been nearly 6 months since my last post and about that same length of time since I’ve written anything for my book (and thank you to those that reached out to make sure all was well in the midst of my silence. It is and I am. Thank you, Jesus, for curing the incurable).

I recognize several things contributed to my stall out.  Life happens and priorities shift. For example, I’ve been working two full days a week since the end of May, and I’m also responsible for making sure our grandson gets to school by 7:50 every morning.  My morning routine – and typically my most creative time – has altered.

But in all honesty, it’s been more about motivation. I mean, even with a printer that didn’t work and a computer that barely did, I could’ve been writing.  I still journal most days.  But the book or the blog?  Well…I just haven’t been feeling it.

Thankfully, lack of inspiration isn’t a permanent condition.  Ask any artist.  Everyone goes through dry spells or blocks.  Muses can be fickle companions.  Then again, I tend to enter new projects with all pistons firing and my foot to the floor – which might be why I seem to excel at short term commitments and struggle a little with those that take a loooonnnnggggg time to complete.   I like to finish stuff.  Check it off my To Do List.

Or maybe, I just like Instant Gratification.  Ha!

But I’ve learned the importance of giving myself the grace to put something down and to feel my way through my creative endeavors.  Sometimes the best thing I can do to reboot is to walk away.  Like, literally, take a walk.  Hike in nature.  Socialize with friends.

Live life!

In years past, unfinished projects use to mock me…. half finished piles creating feelings of guilt and (depending on how much money spent on supplies) shame. But if Cancer  taught me anything, it is this: Life is short so focus on who and what is really important – and let the rest go (temporarily or permanently, depending).

So.  Here I am. Yesterday I cleaned and reorganized the office and the computer is fixed.  A new printer is being delivered on Tuesday along with a new mouse pad to replace the one I LOVE but was looking as grimy as our grandson after a day at school.

And I’m writing…..

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The house and yards look festive.  It’s a nipply 70 degrees, the windows are opened wide and the sun is just peeking over the hill.   I’ll be doing breakfast and a little shopping with girlfriends this morning, and then enjoying the rest of the day doing “whatever” since all my chores are done.  Maybe I’ll plant a few seasonal flowers or make that wreath I’ve been thinking about.  Or, maybe I’ll just enjoy the peace and quiet of an early Fall afternoon with the house to myself.

Fall. My favorite time of year.

 

Inspiration, Life, Love, Spirituality, Women, Writing

God In My Garden

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“To what shall I liken me?
To little birds in their nest.
If the father and mother do not bring them food,
They die of hunger.  Thus is my soul without you, Lord;
it does not have its nourishment, it cannot live.

To what shall I liken me?
To the little grain of wheat cast into the earth.
If the dew falls not, if the sun does not warm it,
the grain molds.
But if You give your dew and your sun, the little
Grain will be refreshed and warmed; it will take root and will produce a beautiful plant with many grains.

To what shall I liken me, Lord?
To a rose that is cut and left to dry up in the hand.
It loses its perfume; but if it remains on the rosebush,
It is always fresh and beautiful
and keeps all its perfume.

Keep me, Lord, to give me life in You.

To what shall I liken you, Lord?
To the dove that feeds its little ones,
to a tender Mother who nourishes her little babe.

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My enraptured spirit contemplates all Your works.
Who can speak of Thee, O God so great!
O Omnipotent One, it is my ravished soul,
A nothing, a bit of dust says to You:
Come to me.
Who can say that an Omnipotent One takes notice?
One glance! You who look at me, come to me.
You alone, my God, my all.
I see Thee, goodness supreme; Thy glance is maternal.
Come quickly, O Sun of Justice, arise!
My soul is consumed, I languish while waiting.

Come quickly!”

Psalm of Blessed Myriam Baouardy
1846 – 1878
From “Prayers of the Women Mystics” by Ronda De Sola Chervin