Dreaming, Faith, Life, The Wild Pomegranate, Women, Writing

Dreaming For Escape


….”The Crystal Ball”, by John Waterhouse

I want a new life.

Not a completely new one….just a majorily overhauled one.  I really really really want a physical existance that supports and inhances my inner life.  I want to own my own home in a lovely natural setting.  I want time.  Time to create.  Time to rest.  Time to do all of the things that have been in my heart for so long.  Painting.  Writing.  Volunteering at the arboretum.  Homemaking.  Crafting.  Cooking.  Tending gardens and relationships and my spiritual life in a slower pace lifestyle that allows me to breathe.

Can I get real for a moment? At 50 years old, and after 30 years of doing it, hitting the commuter traffic every morning for some 9 to 5 desk job is getting old.  Neither of my divorces were from wealthy guys – so I didn’t take away any booty in the breakups. My body is really beginning to complain from being locked up at a computer all day.  I need to move!  Bodies were made to move! And more than just flinching and strentching and coffee-gathering.  Add two more hours a day making the commute (a frustratingly ridiculous short distance, really – only 12 miles each way) and ugh!

Southern California is a tough place to live when you’re a single gal, on a single income, trying to keep your head above water.  Studio apartments go for $1000 a month.   I stole my 3 bedroom, in today’s market.  But it still takes well over 50% of my paycheck just to put the roof over our heads.  Gas it snuggling up close to $3.00 a gallon.  You practically need a second job just to pay for some a/c usage during the 100 degree plus weather (it was over 90 here day before yesterday). 

Want to know what “faith” is?  It’s thinking I’ll ever be able to afford a house on my own here.  Even in the worst part of town, prices are ridiculous.  Foreclosures are hitting the market faster than you can say Multiple Listing Service….and the only people I know who are buying houses are those taking down huge salaries, or those that are minorities and qualify for special funding programs.  They don’t even need to be legal, in some cases.

So what’s a middle aged gal in the shrinking middle class to do, who wants freedom and financial security and TIME?

She begins writing. 

She begins writing about her fantasy life….what it will look like, what it will feel like and smell like.  She places herself as the main character, and allows her imagination to create that perfect life, as a perfect escape.  Maybe that character will own the quaint, exclusive B&B she’s always dreamed of.  Or the restaurant that serves only homemade breakfasts and lunches from ingredients purchased at the Farmer’s Market.  It will be a place where the patrons will know each others names from visiting so often to enjoy fresh, hot scones and herbal teas while surrounded by the work of local artisans.  Perhaps she’ll have that studio overlooking the ocean, or a hillside of trees, where she’ll put to canvas what’s in her heart, or put to paper that novel that’s been inside of her since 4th grade.  She’ll bask in the spring sunshine as she prepares her garden, hands thrust in rich warm earth that brings her pleasure at the deepest core of her being.  And in the Fall, she’ll harvest what she’s sown – the vegetables and flowers, the relationships and the inspiration.  She will love and be loved, and will flow through the seasons of Life with peace, joy, creativity and a warm generousity born of a grateful heart. 

I think I’ll name her Grace.

Blogroll, Divine Feminine, Life, Love, The Wild Pomegranate, Transformation, Women, Writing

Body Talk


It’s been an interesting week.  Here it is Saturday and I’m just now beginning to see how so many of my experiences tie together.  I’m finally beginning to understand the next phase of the Inner Journey I’ve started a couple of months ago.  My body and my environment are speaking to me.

On Monday, I went to the doctor with pain in my left breast.  Intuitively I knew what was going on – and the answer – but since I hadn’t been to the doctor in a year, I decided to go and get checked up.  The tissue was all inflamed – no lumps, gratefully.  Just aggrevated by all the caffeine in my diet.  Fiber cystic tissue syndrome is pretty common, and I was diagnosed with it about 25 years ago.  In all this time I haven’t had much issue with it but lately, I’ve been sore. 

Breasts are an interesting body part, energetically.  They hover about the main area of the Heart chakra.  They provide nourishment to babies, and gratification for both partners when making love.  Breasts are ultimately ‘feminine’, and as a woman travels through the seasons of her life, her breasts travel with her.   Their tiny buddings herald a young girls’ ripening into womanhood.   We spend untold number of hours focused on them….buying just the right bra, fretting about their size (or lack of it)….wondering if we’re showing them off enough, or – in this day and age – too much.  And just as we’ve hit our stride as mature women, lifted higher with wisdom born of experience, our breasts decide to take a trip South. 

I realize now that my breasts were speaking to me.  The last several months have been a purging of sorts for me, on an emotional and spiritual level.  Lot’s of revisiting, letting go, and transcending.  And I’ve felt so good!  I’ve in so much peace and really feel connected with my life again.  And just as the inner chatter left, my body started talking.  It’s saying that it’s not enough to focus on what comes out of me as I evolve and ascend.   It’s also about what I take in.

I love that.  Whether it’s through food, media, sex or environment, “taking in” is ultimate Feminine energy – which, as I’ve mentioned before, seems to be the theme for my journey these days.  So what better spokesperson than my breasts to call attention to my need to detoxify and clean up my diet.  

It’s not a bad diet.  I eat alot of raw fruits and veggies, grains and legumes.  I eat low fat and low carb.  But I also loved coffee, the occasional cocktail, some chocolate, and some lean poultry or fish.  By most standards, it’s ‘healthy’ enough – but it’s not holistic enough.  It doesn’t adequately reflect my spiritual path and leaves me feeling somewhat hypocritical.  I’ve allowed myself to collect some flotsam and jetsom along the way – sort of like I had emotionally.

Tumel over at Thoughts and Things posted a video for the Bloggers Against Abuse campaign, and I just this morning made it over there to see it.  And it spoke to me as well, in a powerful way.  I hope you’ll take a visit, and a look.  I wasn’t able to view the whole thing in one sitting, but I intend to go back and try to finish it when I feel less convicted. 

So the ground has been weeded and cleared, and seeds of change have again been planted in my heart.  The message is clear:  It’s time to allow my inner life to be reflected even more in my outer choices.  And to allow my outer choices to support and inhance my inner journey, in a more loving and nonviolent way.

Bloggers Unite, Blogroll, Life, Love, Relationships, The Wild Pomegranate, Transformation, Writing

The Power of Us


People all over the world today will be blogging against it.   I imagine that there will be  multitudes of people retelling their own personal stories with it as well.  Stories of pain, heartbreak, fear, courage and triumph.  People will be blogging as to the nature of it, the root of it, and the answer to it.  It involves children, women, men, animals and the Natural world.  Governments and Politicians do it.  Judicial systems and military systems do it. Sick demented people do it.   Average, every-day people do it.


Can anyone read that word without reacting strongly to it?  And what is abuse, anyway?  So much comes to mind.  For the sake of my post I’d like to define it simply as this:  The abnormal use of personal power. Ab-Use.

With each new day, each of us is given a blank slate.  From the moment we open our eyes, we have the opportunity, given to us by our Creator, to be the Masters and Mistresses of our lives through the gift of free-will.  We have the use of our bodies and our intellects, our creativity and our feelings, our spirits and our words.  And we can direct them in whatever way we choose.  What power we have been given! What enormous potential for good – in both large and small ways.  Unlike any other creature on the face of the planet, we have the wherewithall for self-realization and self-actualization.  We have the mental processes and physical capabilities to give shape to anything that our minds can imagine.

Humans are extraordinary in their ability to transcend even the most horrendous, heinous situations.  We’ve all seen the beauty that can arise from the most impoverished conditions.  We’ve seen faith shown in the face of insurmountable odds, and courage, grace and joy demonstrated in the midst of complete disaster.  We’ve been witness to an outpouring of love – and with it, forgiveness – in direct response to the most unloving, unforgiveable of human atrocities.

To me, these examples define the ‘normal’ use of our personal power – normal in the sense that we are most like the One Who Created us when we utilize our free wills in ways that perpetuate good will,  harmony, community and safety towards one another.  Towards the Earth.  And towards those that will come after us.  To me, it is normal to be a good steward of our resources, to offer a kind word rather than a harsh criticism, or a healing touch rather than a slap to the face.  It is normal to want to make sure that each person and each animal and each resource is treated with respect, honor and a sacred awareness that we are all connected on a deep, mysterious level.  It is normal to give.  To protect. To love.  When we engage in anything else, we have forgotten our sanity and our humanity and our divinity. We have become abnormal.

Today, I would like to offer a prayer.  A prayer for all of us.  May we be ever mindful about the way we chose to use our personal power towards one another and towards our selves.  May we be in our right minds as we interact with each other – minds that have been renewed and healed by the Spirit of God.  May we demonstrate to our fellow citizens, to the Earth, and to our children that it is normal to be kind, brave, generous and truthful.  And may we never forget that we have been granted the unbelieveable honor of demonstrating the power of Love – the very nature of God – in every choice we make.


THANK YOU to RubyShooz for making this blogging event known to so many of us.

Power of the Heart, Sara Paddison, The Wild Pomegranate, Transformation, Women, Writing

Fruitful Moments

Sara Paddison, Hidden Power of the Heart:

Consider your own life—how many times a day does some situation pop up that leads to moments of frustration and anxiety? Surrendering your head to your heart in those moments will lead you to balance and fulfillment. As you listen to your spirit, peace follows. So follow your spirit. Build your foundation in your heart. Love must be your innermost and spontaneous response towards every person you encounter. Say to yourself inside, “I just love.” Use these words as a key to start the engine running in your heart and watch life brighten with new love and understanding. Surrender to your new awareness and let love unfold the purpose of creation to you.

Botticelli, Divine Feminine, Life, Madonna, Relationships, The Wild Pomegranate, Writing

Mother’s Little Helpers


…..“Madonna of the Pomegranate”, Botticelli

First I saw his dogs – all three of them from the vertically challenged and mutated leg variety.    Then I saw him, walking in a bent over shuffle,  so intent on his business that he didn’t call his dogs back when they came leaping and yapping towards me.

When I crested the hill, saw him and realized what he was doing, I just had to smile to myself.  I had been sure I was the only one in the world that did that!  And yet there he was!  Much older than I, and with a thoroughness and skill born of experience, his motions were graceful and fluid.  He was my comrade in The Light:

A Worm Rescuer.

The rain had just stopped an hour before, so the sidewalk was covered with them – Earthworms, some of which were a good 6 inches long and as fat as pencils. In fact, this particular point in the trail must be the Orange Crush of the crawly world because even the slightest touch of dampness is enough to get the little beasties roaming and flopping about in all directions.  It’s a rare morning that doesn’t have me doing just what this man was.   If I eye one that looks (a) alive and (b) big enough to handle a touch without injury in the process, I stoop – scoop – and toss. I only toss a few, though, because – well – because Earthworms make me Think.

Why have they chosen to crawl across the cement?  Have they found themselves there by accident?  Have they been dropped there from On High by a bird with a loose grip?  Do they KNOW that there’s almost no chance they’ll make it across the 7 foot span of walkway to the other side?  Are they intentionally committing Squirmacide?

And the biggest question of all:  Am I interferring with the natural Circle of Life by picking them up and tossing them back onto the grass? 

This question has become even more important to me in recent weeks.  My entire way of Doing Life has dramatically changed.  It’s almost as if by living a Surrendered lifestyle intentionally, I’ve finally come into my Yin energy in full measure.   I don’t push against The Flow any more.  Rather, I walk with anticipation one step at a time – waiting to see what Flows towards me next.  It’s about Receiving and Being vs. Doing and Bulldozing.  Somehow I’ve gone softer, my days and attitude more pliable, like a piece of clay in the Hands of the Universe.  It’s not that I don’t ‘do’ things or have my own opinion.  I do!  But I don’t define myself by them anymore.  The boundaries of my life are fluid and by living from a heart centered place, surrendered to the process of my life, I’ve been liberated.  I accept those things and people which enter my experience as Directly Sent Ones.  “Manifesting” has taken on all whole new meaning as secret desires suddenly become concrete realities but without all the trying.

Concrete.  On a hot summer day, one will find Earthworm skeletons on the path tossed about like confetti.  And I noticed something. Many of them curl in upon themselves in a Spiral – a shape I have come to honor as a sacred symbol of the Divine Feminine.  Of the word and practice of  “Gratitude”.  Spirals are everywhere in the natural universe – and that simply cannot be a coincidence!

So then, my Burning Question.  Am I interferring with the course of their destinies when I choose to pick them up and ‘rescue’ them?  With an innate inner knowing, have they come to offer up themselves in Gratitude to the Great Goddess who created them, returning back to the Earth to be reclaimed, recycled, and reborn? 

Am I pushing against THEIR flow?