Once Upon Design

 

 

Yesterday, I was clever

So I wanted to change the world.

Today, I am wise,

So I am changing myself.”

– Rumi

 

 

There’s been lots of changing going on around here.

Even before I quit/let go at my job, I was making some changes in my home life.  Not the “relationship” impacting changes with my husband, daughter and grandson (although, I supposed in a way that is ALWAYS happening, and all positive).

These changes pertain to my/our physical space.  I am the “home maker’ in the family. Always have been, always will be simply because it’s who I am and I love doing it.  I “home up” where ever I find myself, be it a teeny tiny one bedroom apartment in the city, a half finished cabin in the desert, or a more roomy home in the Burbs.  I can’t remember ever NOT arranging my space, making do with what I had, trying to make things as nice as possible with what was at hand.

After living with me for so long, my family is no longer surprised to wake up in the morning to find the furniture rearranged, hutches done up differently, or artwork hung some other way.  Don’t get me wrong.  In many cases, once I’ve found the IT Spot for how I want a china cabinet to look, for example, I may not change anything about it for years!

But there’s this other thing that happens.  Early in the morning, while everyone else is sleeping and I’m having my coffee/meditation time, I tend “LOOK” at stuff.  If I’m in the kitchen, I look at the antique hutch that holds my vintage table and bar ware, and my big glass canisters holding baking ingredients.  I might wander into the dining room and look at the corner units I have in there, and check out the way things are set up, or into the living room where I have a lighted display case full of Carnival Glass.

Something about the way one of these hutches is arranged will bug me until I reach that “OK” moment with how it looks.  I’ll keep arranging and rearranging until my sensibilities tell me to stop, even if it’s just a minor adjustment.  It’s unclear whether this need to find “OK” is just having a natural eye for design, a need for control, or needing to tap into a Feng Shui feel, but

It’s

Just

Something

I

Do

And I’m ok with that. I like order, and have a natural bent towards organization. I also believe that our exterior space impacts our interior space.  Having an organized life – be it at home or in business – reduces waste, stress and time. (Side note:  Orderly does NOT mean dust free.  Ha!)

And visa versa, as well.  Our inner state can have a direct impact on our outer world. You know this is true if you’ve ever lived with someone with mental health challenges, be it depression, anxiety or some other mood disorder.

ANYWAY, when the mood strikes to change things up, I like to follow my inclinations and this past week I took advantage of  an empty living room to make a BIG change (furniture moved so Mr. Man could clean the carpets).  Seeing the empty “canvas” in front of me, I got to work right away.  A couple new pieces of furniture, a new rug, and Wha Laa!  I just put the finishing touches on a whole new look.  The room looks more spacious, there’s plenty of seating while still being homey and welcoming, and all just in time for the holidays.  And I reached OK!

I mentioned “control” as a possible motive and, in the case of my living room, there might be a little to that (although our old couch WAS getting a bit worn in places…) There is so much happening “OUT THERE” right now that I have no control over.  For example, we recently got the news my grandson has ADHD, Dyslexia and CAPD, and that he’s being bullied at his new school.  Other than support him emotionally and educationally here at home (and a TON of prayer), there’s little I can do to change that.  I also can’t change the ever rising cost of living here in Southern California, the fact that ageism is alive and well in the job market, my aging mother’s continuing decline or what’s happening on the global political scene.

But, I am not powerless.   With just a little money, a lot of elbow grease and even more imagining,  our home has undergone a positive shift.  Almost every room in the house has now undergone some sort of change that support and assist all of us in differing ways…AND that look really cool.

Which makes me feel good….Makes me feel like I have a purpose and that there is a PLAN for good things for all concerned .   Which, in turn, makes me feel at peace.

And inner peace is where it’s at.

The Best Breakup I Ever Had

facebook-dislikeI’m coming  up on a very IMPORTANT anniversary!

The 10th anniversary of blogging here at Grace Upside Down, perhaps?  Nope, although that did happen in September.  (Where does the time go?)

Maybe my 20th wedding anniversary? Nah, not that either, although Home Boy and I celebrated that in September as well.

So what HUGE milestone am I getting ready to celebrate,then?  Come closer and I’ll tell you.

In just over a month. I will celebrate 1 full year since…..

I kicked Facebook to the curb!

That’s right!  After nearly a decade of socializing on perhaps the most important Social Media platform there is, I quit.  Cold Turkey.   And never looked back.

For the entirely of 2017 I have lived Facebook free and, man! I cannot emphasize enough what a positive difference I’ve experienced in the quality of my life – AND my relationships!  (After a brief withdrawal and detox phase that lasted a couple of weeks…it IS a drug, dontchaknow?)

Ah, sweet relief!

Long gone the days when I agonized over why certain people didn’t like or comment on my posts any more, or whether I “had to” like or comment on someone else’s post.  No more of the constant buzzing in my head…..you know, all the conversations (even rebuttals) I couldn’t (or shouldn’t) have.    No more Unfollowing someone because they fell down some Rabbit Hole and started posting bizarre, regurgitated mythology they  apparently thought they were the first to come up with it.

I no longer feel compelled to correct someones spelling/grammar/punctuation (not that I actually DID correct them.  I just FELT like I had to…and stuffed my feelings), or comment with the name of the TRUE author of a quote that someone posted without it (a form of plagiarism that plagues online content and I find particularly abhorrent).

And, most importantly, no more Faux Friendships – many of who were identified AFTER I quit.  (“You shall judge a tree by it’s fruit.” – Jesus)

Do I miss the sleepless nights and heartbreak incurred because someone got jealous of someone else I was interacting with online, or completely misunderstood something I posted and decided to take offense where none was meant?

Do I long for the days when I agonized over some cryptic post by one of the kids, in a moment of youthful angst, that threatened to send me in Hyper Hover Mother Mode.  (The WORST)?

Ohhellno! My life in the Post-Facebook era is full of tranquility, authenticity and more real-life interaction with people than ever.   I have great friendships, and closer ties with them and family alike.

Ahhhhh, the relief! Dear God, the relief of not worrying whether a photo is “Facebook worthy” or not…whether my double chin is showing, or if the muffin top I’ve acquired since menopause is exaggerated!  How free to be with people without the knee jerk reaction of having to chronicle our every move for mass consumption!  We actually just

LIVE OUR LIVES!  DO OUR THING!  And any photos we take are, by and large, for our own personal edification.

I am, I believe, Renaissance Woman.  I spend less time online now than I can remember.  My time at the computer is just a fraction of what it once was.  I’m doing life Old School style, free from etheric tethers to what has, in recent years, become a behemoth of conflict and conspiracy, Russian “collusion” and the stifling of Free Speech, and WAY too many ads for things or ideas I could care less about.

Thank God Almighty, I am free at last!

Here are some interesting statistics about Fauxbook:

  1.  There are 83 MILLION fake profiles.    That is not a typo but it is a lot of deception.
  2.  Turns out that Facebook is BAD for your relationships.  In fact, a study done in 2010 showed “Facebook” was reported as being responsible in 30% of divorces.  That’s 1 in 3, and this study is 7 years old now!  Imagine what that statistic might be today!
  3. Not only are romantic relationships adversely effected, Facebook can be a  friendship killer as well.    I lost 2 long term, real time friendships because of something Facebook related.  Did I insult them online?  Did I post a death threat or a photo they didn’t want to be seen?  Did I go suddenly crazy and become someone completely different , or reveal their deepest darkest secrets to all 350 of my closest friends? Nope.  In fact, in BOTH cases, the women just bailed on me without explanation – unfriending me online AND in real life in the new chickenshit, cowardly, immature way  of “dealing” that has infiltrated our society. And I’m not the only one to experience this.  Three of my close girlfriends have as well…and we’re talking about 30 year relationships just GONE, just like that, over social media.  All of us were left hurting, confused and bereft.  Never again.
  4. Not only a source of jealously and infidelity, Facebook has been shown to cause depression, narcissism, anxiety, low self-esteem and a number of other mental health issues.  If you’ve ever logged onto your Facebook account in a relatively good mood only to log off 30 minutes later feeling like shit, you know what I’m talking about.  Just ask anyone who finds out their ex, only recently to have broken up with them via text message (another chickenshit move used these days), immediately started seeing his old flame.  The one that always seemed to show up on his posts with some flirty thing to say.  (This happened to my daughter).  And don’t even get me started on a personal pet peeve of mine –  the seemingly never ending Selfie Parade some people engage in.  I mean, how many times do we have to see yet another fish-lipped, “I love myself!  I’m so awesome!” post before we start asking, “Who are they trying to convince?  Me or themselves?”  Turns out posting too many of these photos is another big contributor to the Death of Friendship and intimacy – and it’s annoying as hell!

As Facebook (d)evolves over time…the more FB execs testify before Congress and are in news about their shady dealings (influencing in the 2016 election and censoring certain content, to name two), the happier I am that I’m not a part of it. I don’t belong there.  My peeps are in real time, not virtual time.  A day (finally) came when the Cons far outweighed the Pros (I speak for myself personally), and I had the will to say Good-bye forever.

Ever since I unfriended Facebook, my days are richer, more productive and peaceful, and involve more real-time friendtime than ever.

It’s been the BEST break-up I’ve ever had.

Things That Go Green In The Night

All Who Wander Are Not Lost

I suppose you know you’re a true fanatic when you find yourself outside at 5 a.m. watering and talking to the Mother of Thousands, who – quite synchronistically – has (finally) found “her” place in the garden.  And because she’s home, she thrives.

Ever since I’ve been on my own (it was 1976, after hastily marrying a professional surfer with a penchant for women, waves and weed), I’ve always had something green  to tend to.

In those early years, it was Pothos, Spider Plants and Wandering Jews in hand-thrown pots and beaded macrame hangers.  They could be found hanging in the bathroom, kitchen or – if I was lucky – outside on the patio.

It also wasn’t unusual to find weed growing in one of those same spaces, only minus the macrame.  I can still smell the buds, red haired and stinking up the air.

Yum.

As I matured and my home (along with my family) became a little larger, there were simple outdoor plants to care for:  A 50- year-old Camilla, rambling white roses along a fence, or a few pretty annuals.  Fortunately , watering and  the occasional trim is always enough to keep a low maintenance yard looking nice.  And a nice looking yard makes me happy.

Finding my Happy Place out in nature isn’t something unusual.  There are hundreds of thousands – millions! – of us out there.  We recognize each other by the slight green tinge to our fingers and a bit of dirt under a nail we missed.  People garden for all kinds of reasons and I do so for many.  One of the important ones? I hear God in the Garden.

With the sun warming my back,  perhaps on my knees bent over something in my hands, I often hear that Still Small Voice – the voice of the Divine.

I heard it again this morning as I was futzing in the yard.  I find myself instinctively in a “Spring Cleaning Mode” these days, even though we are well into Fall.  Oh, how I love this time of year.  It at once energizes me and breaks my heart – in a good way.  For some reason, I am particularly tender this time of year.  Things move me. And with the Season of Thanksgiving almost upon us, I find myself breaking out in spontaneous bouts of gratitude…many times, with tears streaming down my cheeks.  2017 has shaped up to be an amazing year, albeit not without it’s challenges.  I’ve experienced SO many answered prayers.  Prayers about the important things like faith, family, connection and healing.

This is also a season of LETTING GO.  And THAT is what the Voice was talking about.

I quit my job yesterday.  I’ve been there 6 months and just simply couldn’t bear it a moment longer.  This morning I woke up free from the pain and discomfort I’ve had in my head and neck for weeks.  It’s just GONE.   SO not a coincidence.  And the symbology isn’t missed.  That job has been a pain in my neck for months.  Thankfully, through an amazing set of  circumstances, it is over and I’m yet again amazed at the wisdom held in the soft animal of my body.  She KNOWS, intuitively and intelligently, what is best for me.  She speaks to me in pain and peace.  Her wisdom is true.

Not only am I pain free, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face.  PEACE  flows through my veins like a river, and joy bubbles up like a spring.   It’s a time for me to be (re)planted at home, tending my family and my garden, waiting for the New Great Adventure to arrive.  Like my Mother of Thousands plants, all it took was a SHIFT to different location to begin to thrive.

With a sigh of relief and a heart in overflow, I can say with all certainty…..

It is well with my Soul.