Inspiration, Life, Love, Spirituality, The Wild Pomegranate, Women, Writing

The Bullying Stops Here


As I sat in the examination room yesterday, I remember thinking to myself, “there is something wrong.”

It wasn’t that I had been hit with some huge premonition.  It was more like a series of smaller “hits” had finally accumulated enough girth as a whole to become undeniable.  Some of those hits went as far back as last year (maybe even earlier) and the latest ones had come just that morning.  They showed up in the subtlest of energy shifts in the two wonderful techs that had performed a follow-up mammogram and an ultrasound on me.   I noticed the slight withdrawal of presence, the merest tucking in and tensing around the mouth, and a slightly more businesslike, albeit kind, farewell.  To me, it added up to one thing: they couldn’t give me the reassurance I was looking for.  They saw something in the photos.

The longer I sat and waited, the more frightened I became.  By the time the doctor bounced in – a stunner  of an older gal with long gray hair, a generous smile and bright blue eyes – and asked me how I was doing, all I could say was “I guess I’m waiting for you to tell me that.”

And she did.

With great compassion, kindness and optimism, she explained that there were a couple of suspicious areas in my left breast that need attention and proceeded to show me on the film.

The “good” news is, the area(s) is/are small (thanks to regular mammograms), are very treatable with surgery and some radiation applied directly to the affected area(s), and I won’t have to undergo chemo or radiation.

Then, in an attempt to keep things light, I guess, she told me that she heard many women met some wonderful galpals on the journey I was about to embark on.   Sisters dealing with the same issues.

I guess there’s an upside to everything.

The “bad” news?  In her opinion, what she saw was most likely a breast cancer.  A couple of biopsies and an MRI will be done to confirm that, one way or the other.   I am, naturally, praying for a miracle call “The Other”.

Anyway, because of the hits I’ve been receiving, her news wasn’t a complete surprise, although – in all honesty – by the time I walked out of the office with paperwork in my hands and a couple of appointments on my calendar – I was in tears.  And I continued to cry on and off for most of yesterday.

One of the biggest of those little hits happened sometime last year. I had a “Aha!” moment.  At least, that’s what it felt like at the time when I realized just how much time I’d spent completely not liking my breasts – mostly since the changes they’ve undergone in the last few years.  They’re huge, for one thing (G cup), heavy and – thanks to gravity – tend to create the illusion of thickness around my mid-section that no amount of lace and underwire seems to alleviate.

I had been boob bullying, and it occurred to me that The Girls might not fare well under that sort of onslaught.  If you are familiar with Masaru Emoto’s “The Hidden Messages In Water”. you understand what I mean.  Our bodies are made up of about 60% of water, so why wouldn’t the cells in my breasts respond to energetic bullying?

So I began to apologize to them.  Sincerely apologizing for all the negative things I’ve said and thought about them.  When I remembered to, I would hold them tenderly and told them I loved them.  I blessed them.  Probably not often enough, or consistently enough…especially when I stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror.  But it was a start to the turnaround and you can bet your sweet tatas that it’s something I will be an expert at in short order.

*sigh*

I’m not going to lie.  This is SERIOUSLY not a journey I want to go on.  I had hoped that things would be calm for a bit after going through my daughter and brothers ‘ recent cancer scares.  But Life Happens, and this morning, after sharing a bucket of tears and two bottles of wine with my BFF last night (miraculously, without much hangover effect ….the first of MANY miracles I hope to be the recipient of), I feel calmer. More under control.   And my mantra is:  I AM HEALED, WHOLE AND HEALTHY.

I’ve also begun praying over my breasts, Ho’oponopono particularly, and have let any cancer know it cannot stay in my body.  This photo I altered for my electronic wallpapers shows the four lines of Ho’oponopono.  If you’re unfamiliar with this prayer, check it out.  It is quite powerful and healing:  OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I don’t know all that the future holds, but I do know this.  I want to embark on this new journey with the intention of loving myself thoroughly and mindfully every step of the way, and to heal.

Forgiveness, love and gratitude.  They seem like the best place to start.

26 thoughts on “The Bullying Stops Here”

  1. I’m right with you Grace!! I don’t know you personally, but my soul knows yours :)
    Thank you for sharing from your heart, with lightness and tears. This is the beginning of your journey and there will be many supporting you along the way with love and encouragement.
    I am so glad you are making friends with your boobs once more. Our bodies have the most amazing capacity to respond to love and heal. I truly believe that and practice it every day.
    Sending you a virtual soul full loving hug.
    Val xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahh sugar, It’s hard to love our bodies. Hard to be unconditional in that love. They are incredible gifts, our bodies. I sit with mine, often, thanking it for getting me though another day. Trying not to push it beyond what it can do.( even though I might want to ..*wink)
    I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you close. My love pours out to you across the miles, and The candles are lit and prayers are forth coming. (((hugs)))
    Bless the beautiful tata’s ! :)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ((((Sorrow))))). I am taking in all that love you are sending, sweetie. Feeling your arms around me. Thank you so much for your prayers and presence and love. Bless the tatas…and everything in between and around them! :-). Xoxox

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  3. Val, knowing that support…like yours :-)…is here for me is more comforting and in-couraging than i can say…thank you so very much for your hug of love, soul sister. Xoxox i am definitely sending one back!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You ARE healed, whole and healthy. Ah, Grace, my heart goes out to you, my prayers fly on the wings of the wind for you, my soul supports your journey. Love and Light be with you and even though we haven’t met in person, I will share your journey with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Selena…sweet friend. No, we have never met in person but that does not diminish the comfort that your words….your essence….brings to me. Thank you. You have been there for so many of my journies, and I feel greatly blessed to have you walk with me on this one….it is emmensely reassuring. Xox. Much love

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  5. “I don’t know all that the future holds, but I do know this. I want to embark on this new journey with the intention of loving myself thoroughly and mindfully every step of the way, and to heal.” yes…I will hold this beautiful intent for you as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Grace, I know this fear well. I know the tears. For me, it was a “cancerous lesion” on my cervix. I think the underlying fear when we hear the word “cancer” is: Am I going to die? At least, that’s what it was for me. But take courage! Cancer is most often curable nowadays. In the not too distant future, you can proudly proclaim I AM A CANCER SURVIVOR! (if that is, indeed, the diagnosis). In the meantime, may the Creator support you, comfort you, and carry you down this road. I wish you a speedy journey back to full health!

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    1. BohoChick, thank you SO much for sharing your own story! I appreciate it. I think the fear for me had to do more with having to undergo pain, and under anesthesia. Sheesh LOL…:-). However, I know that God will get me through this as All the other things in my life. One day at a time….and SO happy to hear about your own cancer experience turned out well. My daughter had cervical cancer…so I understand!

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  7. Please take courage.. I know how the word Cancer grips us in Fear.. And My sister had breast cancer in 1996 age 36 She had 4 young children at the time… she told the cancer it was not going beat her.. She was going to beat it.. And she did..
    She went along a rough road for a time.. but is cancer clear… And is a beautiful and different person through her experience..
    Nothing now bothers her..
    Keep pulling in positive thoughts, and visualisations that you are already healed and cancer Free..

    I gave her Louise Hays book You can Heal your Life.. another wonderful soul who beat Cancer against all odds..
    Sending you Love and Healing thoughts Grace… And do not forget to ask the Angels and our Divine Creator for that healing energy…
    Love and Blessings
    Sue xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sue, thank you. I LOVE Louise Hay and have been applying some of her work as well! SO happy to hear about your sisters success! Treatment was very different then….and I can imagine that a personal journey of that magnitude could do nothing less than completely transform someone. I appreciate your support and prayers!

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      1. You are in my prayer book I keep where I add names who I send out regular thoughts too Grace… Keep smiling… And remember to Love YOU.. :-) You are doing the right things with your thoughts.. …. You are already healed and well..

        Love and Blessings to you xxx Sue x

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