Dreaming For Escape


john_william_waterhouse_-_the_crystal_ball.jpg

….”The Crystal Ball”, by John Waterhouse

I want a new life.

Not a completely new one….just a majorily overhauled one.  I really really really want a physical existance that supports and inhances my inner life.  I want to own my own home in a lovely natural setting.  I want time.  Time to create.  Time to rest.  Time to do all of the things that have been in my heart for so long.  Painting.  Writing.  Volunteering at the arboretum.  Homemaking.  Crafting.  Cooking.  Tending gardens and relationships and my spiritual life in a slower pace lifestyle that allows me to breathe.

Can I get real for a moment? At 50 years old, and after 30 years of doing it, hitting the commuter traffic every morning for some 9 to 5 desk job is getting old.  Neither of my divorces were from wealthy guys – so I didn’t take away any booty in the breakups. My body is really beginning to complain from being locked up at a computer all day.  I need to move!  Bodies were made to move! And more than just flinching and strentching and coffee-gathering.  Add two more hours a day making the commute (a frustratingly ridiculous short distance, really – only 12 miles each way) and ugh!

Southern California is a tough place to live when you’re a single gal, on a single income, trying to keep your head above water.  Studio apartments go for $1000 a month.   I stole my 3 bedroom, in today’s market.  But it still takes well over 50% of my paycheck just to put the roof over our heads.  Gas it snuggling up close to $3.00 a gallon.  You practically need a second job just to pay for some a/c usage during the 100 degree plus weather (it was over 90 here day before yesterday). 

Want to know what “faith” is?  It’s thinking I’ll ever be able to afford a house on my own here.  Even in the worst part of town, prices are ridiculous.  Foreclosures are hitting the market faster than you can say Multiple Listing Service….and the only people I know who are buying houses are those taking down huge salaries, or those that are minorities and qualify for special funding programs.  They don’t even need to be legal, in some cases.

So what’s a middle aged gal in the shrinking middle class to do, who wants freedom and financial security and TIME?

She begins writing. 

She begins writing about her fantasy life….what it will look like, what it will feel like and smell like.  She places herself as the main character, and allows her imagination to create that perfect life, as a perfect escape.  Maybe that character will own the quaint, exclusive B&B she’s always dreamed of.  Or the restaurant that serves only homemade breakfasts and lunches from ingredients purchased at the Farmer’s Market.  It will be a place where the patrons will know each others names from visiting so often to enjoy fresh, hot scones and herbal teas while surrounded by the work of local artisans.  Perhaps she’ll have that studio overlooking the ocean, or a hillside of trees, where she’ll put to canvas what’s in her heart, or put to paper that novel that’s been inside of her since 4th grade.  She’ll bask in the spring sunshine as she prepares her garden, hands thrust in rich warm earth that brings her pleasure at the deepest core of her being.  And in the Fall, she’ll harvest what she’s sown – the vegetables and flowers, the relationships and the inspiration.  She will love and be loved, and will flow through the seasons of Life with peace, joy, creativity and a warm generousity born of a grateful heart. 

I think I’ll name her Grace.

14 thoughts on “Dreaming For Escape

  1. You know it’s funny…as I was answering your email a little while ago I was thinking you should consider moving to the East Coast. I don’t know if you would like the Deep South good-ole-boys in South Carolina, but you would LOVE Asheville, North Carolina. It is gorgeous!!! It is in the Appalachian Mountains (called the Blue Ridge) and considered to be the spiritual Mecca of the East Coast (like Sedona, AZ, is for the West Coast). Tons of Witches, Pagans, spiritual seekers of all kinds live there. Fabulous place…you would love it. And only 3 hours from me in Columbia, SC (big smile).

    Much faery love to you today!!!

    ((( Laura ))) I checked Asheville on line and it looks FABULOUS! :) Definitely a destination to keep in mind. I’m not ready to walk THAT far away from my children and aging mom, but you know what??? I’ve also surrendered the issue to Godde and I know that I will always be in the right place at the right time. Would LOVE being close to you….and seeing a little of that area of the world. I haven’t travelled there!

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  2. Grace,

    I found you through foxchild and was so glad to have done so. Thank you for this eloquent and heart-felt post. Perhaps this is how creating that life begins – by dreaming it…

    Blessings to you!

    Aerolin!!! Namaste! I’m so happy to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you. :) Hey, I think you’re right! Everything starts with a THOUGHT, doesn’t it?? And dreaming…well, those are just thoughts directed a certain way?? Blessings!

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  3. Oh Grace, I have written this exact post in my head in the last few days. It’s almost sureal to read it and have it credited to someone elses hand.
    You should see my google searches lately B&B’s, Personal Chef, butterfly farming – seriously! :-)
    If you discover the answer please let me know….unless it is to marry a rich man, becuase I’m afraid I’m hopelessly in love with my musician.

    (((( V- ))) :) You have the ‘greater portion’, girl… someone who loves you and someone you love. How many ‘rich’ people long for that???? I’m not surprised you share what I wrote about… And let me know if your dreams start coming true before mine – You might need some good help with that B&B and I’m a GREAT cook! ;-)

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  4. Wow Gracie,
    It’s really weird how you and I seem to think such similar thoughts – even to the type of life/lifestyle that we want in our futures. Are we related or something? I really wonder sometimes.
    Annie

    ((( Annie ))) I think we are definitely from the same tribe, love…only you’re the younger, cuter one …xoxox ;-)

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  5. Dreams are such a funny thing. Sometimes they make it harder to put up with life as it is now, and sometimes they are huge motivators to get us out of the rut we find ourselves in. Sometimes I’m not sure I am doing myself any favors by dreaming, but dream I do and will continue to do.

    For some reason I can imagine you in Jerome, Az. Funny, for the years I lived in arizona, I never went to sedona, as much from the stubbornness of everyone telling me I HAD to go see it as anything else, but I would often go to Jerome, which was only a few miles away. Love that place, though it is probably getting as commercialized as Sedona!

    I wonder if a bigger change than you’re currently thinking would be something to consider? I mean, why not Costa Rica or Mexico? :)

    :) I’ll definitely have to look at Jerome, Deb. Thanks for mentioning it. I have to say this, though….none of my ‘dreams’ include being 1000s of miles away from my children or my aging mom at this point. But who knows what some distant future holds?? I’ve never considered that having dreams makes the ‘reality’ harder…sometimes they do make me yearn for something different…but if I truly believe what I say (LOL) then I’m exactly where I’m meant to be right now, in the Grand Scheme. Dreams do, however, seem to help me to get in touch with what I want. And if I’m in touch with what I want on a very deep energetic level, I think they have a much better chance at manifesting. Besides, it’s just fun :) and this reminds me that I need to work on my Dream Journal a little more….

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  6. Sighing blissfully and wistfully at the visions evoked.

    Abundant blessings for dreams come true…may you know the greatest of journeys, joy and safety always. See you at your B & B!

    BTW Like your new theme! Changed mine too…the same ol’ same ‘ol needed to go.

    ((( MW ))) Thank you so much for your blessings – I’ll keep a chair by the fire for you! and isn’t it fun to change themes now and then?? It’s like trying on a new hairdo! lol

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  7. what a wonderful post grace…

    yes…write..write and write some more..write by candlelight, by sunlight by the light of your love..your words are heart sent and they will be true to you..

    have faith, you will find a way..

    ((grace))

    k:)))

    ((( Karoline!!))) Thanks for stopping by. Oh, I love what you said here…thank you for your encouragement! You have a BEAUTIFUL site and I look forward to visiting with you more! Namaste!

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  8. I’m going to be doing a few posts soon about the law of attraction. It’s one aspect of spirituality that I tend to struggle with, at least partly because I don’t have a clear, vivid imagination… But I can tell from this post that you *do*, so yes, do as karoline suggests, keep on using it! Keep writing – and if you can, feel gratitude too for this life you so richly imagine – as though it is already yours…

    Hi, Simon! Oh, I struggle with some of the LOA stuff, too! But you know what?? I do NOT struggle with the idea that shifting my focus to something positive creates more wellbeing in my life! :) I look forward to reading your posts!

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  9. {grace} I feel silly. Very silly. I know I’m a ‘johnny come lately’ to your post. I’m still new at blogging and over the very short time I’ve been blogging, it has coincided with changes you have made. Consider me clueless in many areas of other people’s expertise.

    The reason I feel silly is because I’m ‘sort of’ living the life you describe. Ah heck, might as well step out of denial. There’s no ‘sort of’ about it.

    The reason I feel silly is because I haven’t appreciated it. All because of the weather: 9 months of grey skies, cold & wet. And me without web feet, feathers, fur or, gills.

    The ‘way’ I got ‘here’, was focusing on desiring to live someplace where there was still ‘neighborly’ in neighborhood. But where I found it was quite a jolt.

    The light always attracts our interest but it is in the shadows that we find true treasures. My town doesn’t look ‘pretty’. It looks like a ghetto. What I discovered, is that is among the poor and the unfortunate, that there is the most Accepting, Tolerating and, Understanding people.

    When I loved myself enough to allow myself to receive, instead of always giving, a place like ‘this’ is where I was led.

    ((( Sue Ann ))) What a wise and fascinating observation – and not one that many are willing to accept or embrace: The Gifts of the Shadows. I feel a post coming on ;-) And thank you so much for sharing your journey!! In my own life these days, I find myself making hugely large all emcompassing statements to the Divine like: Just put me where I can thrive! Put me where I can live our my life’s purpose with peace and joy and freedom! :) I know it all starts ‘here’…but I feel the pull to another location as well.

    Loving ourselves…loving ourselves ENOUGH – what a mighty message…thank you!

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  10. Aaah! I already envision myself having a lovely meal surrounded by evocative paintings by the mysterious artist known only as “Grace” – basking in the warmth of the room, its farm fresh food, and the delightful (and oh so appreciative) patrons.

    I’ve had many times in my life where I got an idea into my head and found a way to get there – although sometimes the “there” changed and something I never could have imagined was welcoming me instead – and it was good. All it took was taking continual steps toward my dream – even the tiniest ones got me closer – even stuff like saying it out loud or doing some research…and then, of course, knowing when it was finally time to LEAP. I must admit I watched City of Angels three times once to give myself the courage to do something I really wanted! There’s a moment in the film where Nicholas Cage’s character Seth has a decision to make. And we are reminded that sometimes there is discomfort and obstacles, but oh how right it feels when we follow our heart. Of course, it also helps to trust in ourselves and our own intuition as the Inner Guidance video you posted reminds us.

    Oh Grace…I wish you much luck in finding your new life – right where you are as well as wherever your spirit leads. And thank you for helping to inspire me to dare once again to create my own next life dream!

    Namaste.

    ((( Ronnie Ann ))) Thank you for sharing in and celebrating my dream with me. I was just talking about it with a girlfriend last night. I’ve was ‘made’ for such a venture. Now, it’s time to ‘make’ the venture for me, huh???? You are such a blessing to me….xoxox

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